In all the cringe moments I experienced as a middle school student, going to buy my first bra was unique. That spring, when I was 12 years old, I jumped 6 inches in my body and turned around because of self-doubt. I remember my mother flipping through the selection of training bras and cotton camisoles from the department store, while I tried to disappear to the floor.
My own children are 7 and 2 years old, which means I have time to ride the adolescent carousel again, this time as a parent. When it comes to bra shopping, fortunately, the range of choices has expanded since the mid-1990s! I consulted two experts to find out their ideas on how parents can help their children and themselves create comfort and empowerment.
Use your own on-hook registration
“Adolescence can cause a lot of anxiety for parents,” said Zoë Bisbing, owner and director of LCSW. Active Body Therapy New York And co-founder Blooming plan. Before starting to discuss finding a bra with your child, check yourself for potential discomforts so that they do not sneak close to you. “A lot of things start with parents paying attention to their feelings, so they can mold themselves to be a safe adult who can talk to their children.”
For sensitive issues related to the body at home or in the fitting room, Bisbing recommends obtaining permission first. “You can say,’Can I ask you a few questions? I want to make sure we provide you with the right things,'” she said.When asking for consent Non-binary and transgender children, J Cohen, LCSW, Director of Clinical Services and Training UCSF Children and Youth Gender Center, Said, “It’s important to clarify how they want to call their body”—for example, asking them whether they prefer to use the term breasts or breasts.
Ask them what kind of shopping experience they prefer
Cohen said it’s important to explore how your child wants this moment to happen. “Do they want to go shopping together, or would you rather you pick something for them to try at home? How much autonomy and help do they want?” If online shopping feels the most comfortable, then brands that are good for your health, such as Yellowberry, justice, My underwear, and Tomboy X It’s a good starting point.
Even with the recent shift in the media to physical inclusiveness, tweens (and their parents) are still overwhelmed by harmful information about what the body should look like. Help your child understand their changing bodies—from new curves to stretch marks—and their excitement, contradiction, or fear of these changes are completely normal. “For some children, this moment may be a source of pride and celebration. For others, it is emotional or distressing,” Cohen said. No matter what your children feel, you can meet them there and let them know that their experiences and feelings are welcome.
Before choosing a bra style, talk about fit and comfort. “The most important question is, can they move their bodies in a comfortable way, and does the bra move with it?” Bisbin said. “They can even jump around to make sure everything feels good in motion.” Online guide Chest measurements (they can do it themselves, or ask for your help) can help determine the right size.Cohen says comfort is a priority Trans and non-binary tween It might also include asking them if they would like to include padding in the bra search, or if they prefer sports bras or bra clips. (Must be familiar with Safe binding practice And discuss it with your child. )
Set boundaries if necessary
Sometimes your child’s choices are beyond the boundaries of what you feel comfortable with as a parent. Bisbing emphasized the importance of starting with curiosity. Instead of yelling, “No, you will never get a leopard corset!” You might (after taking a deep breath) adopt a calm and curious approach: “Do you like this?” This will help resolve the test The cloakroom collapsed and opened up a space for communication. If it’s time to set boundaries, do it in a way that respects your child’s voice. “You might say,’At some point in your older age, this might be a choice, but now these are choices,'” Bispin said.
This is the bottom line: as parents, we cannot protect our children from all the embarrassment that adolescence brings.But what about us were able What we do is to love our children, listen to their voices, and give them space to be clumsy, uncertain, sometimes grumpy, and always amazingly beautiful.
Leah Koenig Is a writer and author of six cookbooks, including Kosher recipes and Modern kosher cooking. She also wrote Kosher table, A weekly newsletter that explores recipes and stories from the world of kosher food. Leah lives in Brooklyn, New York with her husband and two children.
idea? Any other suggestions for teenagers or parents who have been there?